For Moms

How to Discipline Your Child Without Yelling

One of the most difficult aspects of parenting is how to discipline a child without yelling.

Yelling doesn’t work and can be detrimental to your relationship with your child, yet you need a way to get them to listen!

In this article, we will discuss why yelling doesn’t work when disciplining a child.

You’ll also learn how yelling can actually make things worse for your child.

I’ll go into how to stay calm when disciplining a disrespectful or disobedient child and how all parents can learn from these 6 techniques how not to yell at their children when disciplining.

Why Is Yelling Ineffective When Disciplining Your Child

According to the American Psychological Association, “Stress in childhood can lead to an increase in physical and mental health problems that last into adulthood.”

Research has also shown how when parents yell at their children it hinders learning.

Yelling is not effective because it does not teach your child how they should behave or how they can avoid getting yelled at in the future.

If your child is disobeying you, yelling sends them the message that this behavior will be met with stress and anger—not an effective way to get compliance!

Yelling also teaches children that it’s OK for others to disrespect their belongings or themselves.

That often leads to them not treating others how they would like to be treated – it’s a lose-lose situation.

6 Tips to Help You Stay Calm, Stop the Nagging and Get Compliance

The good news is that you can learn how NOT to yell at your child when disciplining them and actually get compliance!

Here are six tips on how not to yell:

1. Breathe In and Breathe Out, Mama

First, take a deep breath before speaking.

This will give you a few seconds to calm down and think about how you want to address the situation.

2. Change Your Tone of Voice

Second, try using a different tone of voice when speaking to your child.

A raised or angry voice will only escalate the situation.

3. Teach Your Child Right From Wrong

Third, explain why the behavior is wrong in a clear and concise way.

Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to help you stay calm.

4. Give Your Child the Solution to the Problem

Fourth, make sure your child knows how they can avoid getting in trouble next time and what the appropriate behavior is.

This way it’s more of a learning experience than punishment.

5. Give Your Child Choices When Disciplining

Fifth, if possible give your child choices when disciplining them so that they feel like they have some control.

They must know how to avoid getting in trouble next time and how to behave appropriately—this will teach them how to be accountable for their actions!

6. Follow Through With Consequences

Sixth, always follow through with your consequences if you have been given a warning beforehand.

If the behavior continues then it’s important not to reward bad behavior by going back on what you said.

How to Get Your Child to Listen to You

Disciplining a child who doesn’t listen can be frustrating and overwhelming.

Remember to stay calm, use positive reinforcement when they do listen, and follow through with consequences if the behavior continues.

These techniques should help get your child to start listening:

  • Make eye contact when speaking to them
  • Use a clear and concise tone of voice
  • Don’t raise your voice
  • Avoid yelling at them. Yelling is ineffective and can be detrimental to how your child feels about you as a parent and how they perceive themselves in this world. If needed, count down from five with each number getting lower and quieter until the behavior stops – providing that you are in a safe place to do so.
  • Try using incentives such as privileges, stickers, or verbal praise when your child does listen
  • If the behavior continues after following through with consequences, then remove a privilege or increase the length of time for the punishment

Disrespectful and Disobeying Children Can Be Challenging But Not Impossible to Discipline

It’s important to remember that it is possible to discipline a child who is disrespectful and disobeying.

You just have to remain calm, be consistent with your consequences and follow through.

The most important thing is that you are teaching them how to behave appropriately in society and how they should treat others. Use these six tips on how not to yell and how to get your child to listen in order to help you remain calm when disciplining them.

FAQs About Discipling a Disobeying and Disrespectful Child

Below you will find the most frequently asked questions about disciplining a disobeying and disrespectful child:

What is the most important tip on how NOT to yell?

The most important tip on how not to yell is to take a deep breath before speaking.

This will give you time to calm down and think about how you want to address the situation.

Is it okay for me as a parent if I choose consequences that work best with my child?

It’s always good when parents have their children in mind when choosing consequences. However, it is important that the punishment fit the crime and that you are consistent with how you dish out punishments.

My child seems to be disrespectful on purpose—what should I do?

If your child is being purposely disrespectful then try using a time-out or remove a privilege until they can apologize for their actions. If this doesn’t work then you may need to try coming up with a different consequence.

My child always disobeys in public— how can I get them to listen?

If your child is not listening in public they must know how they are supposed to behave and how their behavior will affect others around them.

Providing them with limitations for how far they are allowed to roam in public spaces well as consequences if these limits are broken, will help your child understand how their actions affect others.

Last Thing You Need To Know About How to Discipline Your Disobedience Child Without Yelling

Disciplining your child can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that yelling is not the answer.

By following these six tips you can learn how not to yell and get compliance from your child! And if you have any more questions, don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re here to help!

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Hi Kayla, this is an amazing blog. lately I am struggling to discipline my 3 years old(she will be 4 soon) and i don’t like yelling at her at all, it makes me very sad. i feel like she just don’t care if mummy is upset or mummy is saying anything to me, on the other side if dad says anything she will listen to him straightaway. I tried counting down tactic , time out tactic and all above you mentioned, they worked for few times but than she went back to her usual routine only with me. At this moment due to my knee injury, my mobility is very limited and she uses the fact that mummy cannot move that much so i can do whatever i want. I am really stress but after reading this article, even though I have tried everything I will try again in different way.Reply to alina
Hi Alina, Thanks for responding to my post! I am sorry you are having a hard time disciplining your 3-year-old, I know it’s not an easy process. Trust, it seems like we all shake in our boots when we know toddlerhood is approaching. Going through the terrible twos into the trouble threes, with honorable mentions to the challenging fours, can be a lot. But, I believe every single mother has all the instructions/ manual they need inside of them. Kids will test you and your patience, but if you keep trying and take notes on what works and what doesn’t work, it will get easier along the way. Personally, I want you to find something your almost 4 year old child loves to do and enjoy that you can also participate in and bond with them in. The more you can find something to do together that they love, the more they will lean towards you (and almost see you in this new light), and start listening to you more. I am praying for a fast recovery and wishing you the best of luck in your motherhood journey! Just know you are not alone and you can get over this hurdle. Kayla | Mom Blogger | My Motherhood Made EasyReply to Kayla
You are right, it can be really difficult to discipline your child without yelling at times, especially when they are purposely being disobedient. I really appreciate the tips like taking a deep breath before speaking, and changing your tone. I will try these with my daughter in the future.Reply to Nicole
Hi Nicole, Thank you for your response to my post! Disciplining kids can be a challenge especially when you know they are purposely being disobedient. I’m super happy you enjoy these tips and I wish you the best! Kayla | Mommy Blogger | My Motherhood Made EasyReply to Kayla