So, you know you want to have a baby but the ups and downs of trying to conceive are driving you crazy.
Maybe you wonder if every random movement in your body could mean you’re pregnant.
Or maybe you obsessively scour the internet for baby and parenting products.
It could be that you can’t even go ten seconds without thinking about babies.
Honestly, it is exhausting.
And if you’re not careful, it can cause a lot of strain on you, your relationship and your finances.
So, if you’re trying to conceive, here are some strategies to help you get off that crazy train of emotion, or maybe even prevent you from getting on in the first place.
Trying to Conceive? Here’s How to Cut it Out!
1. Educate Yourself on Pregnancy Statistics
One of the biggest ways you can drive yourself nuts while trying to conceive is by thinking it’s guaranteed to happen right away.
Sure, some women get pregnant on the first try, but that won’t necessarily be the case with you and it’s important to be realistic.
Weight, menstrual cycle, medical conditions, and a ton of other factors all contribute to your chances of getting pregnant.
Age is also a big one.
The chances of you getting pregnant each cycle is about 25 – 30% and that’s if you’re 35 or younger.That percentage decreases with age.
Being educated on fertility and pregnancy will help you set realistic expectations and help you stop from going crazy if things don’t happen immediately.
A great place to start your research is the Government of Canada fertility site. It will provide you with fertility/infertility information, what you can do to improve your chances of getting pregnant and information on how your doctor can help you.
If you’re in the States (or want some more credible info) check out the Office of Women’s Health website.
2. Don’t Put Your Life on Hold
I am a planner. So, when I started trying to conceive I started trying to plan it all out – when I might get pregnant, what gear the baby will need, how my job would be impacted…
Before I knew it, daydreaming of baby and “what ifs” were consuming my life.
I didn’t want to volunteer for too much if there was a chance it wouldn’t work out if I got pregnant. I didn’t want to apply for that job I was interested in because if I got it I might be pregnant by then and have to go on mat leave right away. You get the idea.
I was putting my life on hold. Big time.
And the more I put my life on hold in hopes I’d conceive, the more frustrated and disappointed I was when the stick would come back negative.
It got to the point that I felt my mental health was being affected and I realized I had to snap out of it.
So, I stopped putting my life on hold.
I started making sure I was working towards happiness now and not putting it off for the future.
This meant doing things like keeping up my job hunt and signing up for activities I enjoy and love. I reminded myself that if I got pregnant I’d figure it out then.
3. Stop Obsessively Taking Test
As soon as I started trying to conceive I started obsessively taking tests.
Ovulation tests, early pregnancy tests, after missed period pregnancy tests – I took them all.
And, I was riding some major highs and some major lows. I’d feel so happy when an ovulation test came back as high likelihood and I’d convince myself that this was it!
Then, after waiting a couple weeks I’d take a pregnancy test and be disappointed when it came back negative.
I was investing way too much time, emotion and money into taking tests.
So, I decided I would only allow myself to take one test a few days after a missed period. And, if it came back negative I’d wait until next cycle.
This helped so much! Sure, I still get a little excited when I’m a few days late wondering if this might be it, but by allowing myself the one test and moving on it has stopped being an obsession.
4. Put Your Wallet Down
When trying to conceive it is so hard not to get ahead of yourself.
Baby fever makes it easy to get sucked into thinking it makes sense to start buying baby gear before you’re even pregnant – especially when there’s a sale.
But, just like you wouldn’t buy cat food without a cat, it doesn’t make sense to buy baby gear without a baby.
First of all, when you start buying for baby, baby starts being all you can think about. And, it can make it harder than it needs to be if the stick comes back negative.
It also doesn’t make great financial sense. Sure, there might be something on a really good sale, but sales happen all the time. It’s better to spend your money once you know something is going to happen because a lot can change in the meantime.
Plus, once you’re actually pregnant, family and friends will most likely want to be involved and gift you with items for your new bundle.
So, put your wallet down – for now.
5. Determine How Much You’re Willing to Try
Time can go by so slowly when trying to conceive. Only a couple of months of trying can seem like eternity.
I used to get really discouraged when it wasn’t happening and sometimes I’d find myself in a slump for a few days. But, I really didn’t like how that felt. So, I started using those thoughts to probe some self-reflection and it made a big difference.
I started playing a productive version of the “what if” game. And whenever I asked myself “what if I don’t get pregnant?” I’d follow up with questions like:
- How important is having a baby to you?
- Are you willing to go through fertility treatments? What ones?
- Would you consider adopting a baby?
- Would you foster an older child?
After exploring my answers to these questions (and others) I started discussing this with my husband to get his take on it. And it’s something we continue to talk about.
Honestly, knowing where I stand on this has been a lifesaver. It was one of the biggest factors in helping me accept my journey. Because, I know what my next steps are if I can’t get pregnant. I know what I’m willing to do and what I’m not willing to do and at what point I’d be willing to accept not having a baby.
Stop Driving Yourself Crazy Trying to Conceive
Even though it’s discouraging when getting pregnant right away doesn’t happen, you can take steps to make the road to conception easier.
Remind yourself that every journey is different, and you don’t know just how yours will turn out. But, there are several steps you can take along the way to make it easier emotionally and financially.