For Moms

A Submissive Wife: My Journey

Growing up, I was taught independence.

I was taught the importance of doing things on my own without having to rely on anyone but myself.

I still believe these are important characteristics; however, when they are ingrained into your being they can have a toxic affect on a marriage.

My husband and I have been together for 10 years.

We recently celebrated our three year wedding anniversary.

I’m going to be honest, year three was our hardest year.

A lot of that had to do with me.

After a disagreement, if his final decision was different than what I believed should happen, I felt as though I was being ignored.

I felt like my thoughts, feelings, and opinions did not matter. That made me bitter going into the next argument.

Then I realized, I wasn’t trusting my husband to be the leader of our family. 

Holding a value of self-reliance was damaging my marriage.

I believed that I had to make the decisions. Believing that an individual must be independent, I had previously made all of the decisions for myself.

It wasn’t that I don’t trust my husband. Of course I do.

I was holding on to the fact that I was supposed to be in control of every aspect of my life. All I could think was, “how are we going to make it if I can’t allow my husband to lead our family?”

I was being a road block, and I didn’t want to be anymore. Little did I know that becoming a submissive wife was the answer to mutual respect.

My View on Marriage

Every marital union is different.

I get that, and it is more than okay in this so called life. Let me say this first, as a disclaimer, I believe women have rights.

I believe they can work, climb corporate ladders, make decisions, obtain degrees and so much more.

With that being said, personally, I have always had a traditional view on marriage.

This view fits our family best. It works for us.

I believe the husband is the leader and final decision maker in the family unit.

Men are meant to love their wives. I believe that a wife is a sound voice, a different point of view, a supporter, and a caretaker. Women are meant to be submissive to their husbands.

Sounds like my view of marriage totally contradicts my instilled value of independence, right?!

It’s difficult to let my husband make the final decisions, when I was taught that I shouldn’t rely on anyone other than myself. I knew what I wanted for our marriage, but I was fighting against myself. So, I decided I was going to learn.

Being a Submissive Wife

Yes, it sounds scary. It sounds old-school.

It’s not.

Being a submissive woman simply means serving your husband in a way that benefits your marriage. It means focusing on being your husband’s helper, lover, and biggest supporter.

It does not mean your husband is a tyrant, and you are a tiny peon that no longer has an opinion.

Your opinion matters!

Instead, it means that after all has been discussed between you both, that you trust your husband to make the decision. Really, it takes some stress off of you as well!

As moms, we have enough decisions and deadlines to make. It’s okay to let our husbands do their part.

Being a submissive wife actually takes an extremely strong, confident, well-grounded woman.

Over the past several months, as a Christian woman I have been learning to submit to my husband.

I’ve failed many times. I’m stubborn with the best of them, my emotions get the best of me way more than they should, and I like to be right.

Still, I come back to the fact that I believe my husband should be the head of our household. In order for that to happen, some personal changes had to be made.

Here are some things I’ve been working on:

1. Be Quick to Listen and Slow to Respond

As submissive wives, it is easy to have an opinion about everything. Take time to consider your words and reply with intent rather than emotion.

2. Let Him Lead. Re-Direct Only in the Background

Give him the trust he deserves as the leader of your family. Let him lead. This is Gods word.

If a direction is taken that you have an opinion about or do not agree with, confront him in private. Do not confront him in front of others or the kids.

3. Allow Him to Have Space

This is particularly difficult for me. I’m a worrier by nature.

If your husband is having a bad day or if you had an argument, give him some space. Trust him to talk when he’s ready.

4. Embrace the Role of Helper

It isn’t necessary to try to control your husband or his day.

You already have enough to control. Embrace the role of helper.

Ask how you can help his day go smoother. Ask what he needs done that he doesn’t have time to do.

Women are intuitive. When you notice something that would help your husband, do it.

5. Be Grateful Everyday

My husband works his butt off for our family. I work, but he provides. This is my husband’s wishes for his family!

Without his hard work, my family would go without often. He makes sure we have everything we need and more.

As I’m picking up the dirty socks he leaves on the floor every single day, I get aggravated. Why?

 In the grand scheme of things, why do dirty socks aggravate me? When I focus on being grateful (submission) for my husband and his hard work, the small things, like dirty socks, just don’t matter as much.

6. Make Him feel Important

He is important. As a Christian marriage, we get into routines of packing lunches, shuttling kids to school, making meals, attending kid’s activities, etc. It’s endless. What about each other?

Bring him a glass of ice water when he’s working in the yard or his favorite snack while he’s on the sofa watching T.V. Small actions sometimes speak the loudest.

7. Trust

Trust your husband to listen to you. Trust your husband to seek knowledge from all sides. Trust your husband to make the decision.

Final Thoughts

There is no one-size-fits-all for marriage. Biblical submission works for us, and it might for you too. If not, I encourage you to find what does. Creating the outline of your marriage, helps guide you as you are filling in the paragraphs.

While I am aiming to be a submissive wife, I have by no means perfected it. I want to continue learning about a healthy marriage, my husband, and how we operate best. My main goal is a happy and healthy life with my husband and children.

I would love to hear your thoughts, tips, or what works for your marriage. Let’s talk about it!


Hi! My name is Mallory, and I am a 30-year-old wife, mommy, employee, PhD student, and blogger. We have two handsome little dudes, ages 4 and 6. They are full of wonderful and sometimes messy surprises. I am currently employed part time and enrolled in a PhD program for general psychology. As a blogger, my goal is to provide an outlet for moms to share, vent, learn, and laugh together!

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My partner has been constantly telling me to be submissive to him. He said and even gave me an ultimatum that there are way ma y other women who are ever ready to be submissive to him. We are on shaky grounds and I’m starting my learning journey on this submission. How do I gain confidence for my partner to believe in my journey as it is not an overnight change?Reply to Seema
I would love to learn more from you! I am currently working on this with my husband. Your story is so much like mine!Reply to Jessica
I so love this and I aim to be a submissive wife every day 💕 Keep up the great work beautiful ❤️Reply to Shea
I’m really struggling giving up control & following but I truly want to be a submissive wife. Why do I keep getting it wrong & sabotaging myself & our marriage?Reply to Megan
I want to be a cuckquean. But I’m feeling shy to talk to him about it. How can I talk to him without shyness about it ?Reply to Lina
You have to trust he will respect your thoughts and wishes and help arrange what you wantReply to Richard
This was a very helpful post to read. I could relate to you with a lot of the things you said, and you’ve given me some different points of view to look through. I really want to become a better wife to my husband, and I believe starting with becoming more submissive is the key for us. Thank you!Reply to Sia
Hello, Mallory! I wanted to thank you for sharing and imparting some practical tips, perspectives, and advice that otherwise, I might not would have considered. I truly appreciated ready your article and wanted to let you know that I could relate on so many levels and areas in my own marriage. Thanks, again!! May God continue to bless your family and your intentions in helping others.Reply to Graciela
Am delighted about the post shared. I agree with your points of being a good and submissive wife. From today will learn from. Your points to help keep marriage.Reply to Hilda
Hello my name is Danielle I would love to talk to u some more about this topic and thank you so muchReply to Danielle
Thank you for sharing I enjoyed your post. I am working on becoming a submissive wife. Not just in actions but in my heart Also. I’m glad I came across your blog.Reply to Jonique
Interesting blog. I wonder what % of women actually want to be submissive ? Too much it taught that Submissive people get walked over, abused and generally hurt. Women have been taught to be self confident and strong to be a wife and mother. It seems a hard shift for modern women to be from a generation long ago.Reply to Albert
I’m currently trying to become more submissive, even though I’m often told I am too submissive by others but never by him. He says he wants control and me to do as I’m told and not think, just do. He says I talk too much and sometimes I do because I don’t feel heard. I will go along with him for days, wait on him, and do whatever he wants, but what will set me off where I feel I have to speak up, and it creates arguments, are him cussing at me and our 4 year old. He will cuss at her about her being a normal kid while he watches tv and wants her quiet. Then calls me bitch when I ask him to not cuss and yell shutup at her. Is this someone I should stay with and continue to pray for while I try to learn to be submissive and hope God will teach him these things are wrong and he should want a better family? He also hits me on occasion, but again, it’s my fault because I will talk too much. I love him and wish I could be everything he wants but then again, I wish he would try to.Reply to Rachel
Omg, that’s not how a husband should talk to his wife. Being called a bitch is so disrespectful. How are you suppose to be submissive to him if he doesn’t respect or honor you. I couldn’t be in that relationship. How can you trust and let him lead? Get out while you can. There is some one out there who will love honor and respect you. Good luckReply to Marta
Rachel, Being submissive as a wife or partner is not in the same category as abuse. When a wife chooses to be submissive, she still has a voice in the relationship. You are an individual that deserves love and respect, and standing up for yourself and your child in questionable situations is 100% warranted. I encourage you to talk to someone you trust in depth. If you’re willing to see a counselor that can help work some of these ideas and questions out in your head, that would be a great step as well. If you feel things are out of your control or like you and your child are in imminent danger, please call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. I sincerely wish you the best, MalloryReply to Mallory
Loved your blog very much!!Reply to Blessy
Just wonderin’ – does submission iinclude staying with an abuser?Reply to Mary
Absolutely NOT. The same bible that wants married people to love and support one another also says that we are called to live in peace. And it says that our bodies are temples of the holy spirit. Do not allow anyone, not even your spouse, to defile, profane, degrade, or beat up the temple. There is no example in the bible in which the submission of Jesus to the will of the Father resulted in the Father cursing out, financially abusing, degrading, gaslighting, emotionally abusing, or beating Jesus. If submission means you would be on the receiving end of such treatment, then it is not godly submission and you DO NOT have to take it. If laws on physical abuse have been broken, you can press charges and have the abuser removed from your home. If the abuser is not putting their hands on you (so as to avoid going to jail) but they are abusing you or your children, you still can separate from that person. I’m not saying divorce and remarry (that’s a whole different issue), but you can refuse to allow them in your personal space until and unless they learn how to submit to Jesus and treat you and the children in a Christ-like manner.Reply to Emmy
I love these tips also my husband is alway negative no matter what i feel he is not satisfied with anything i do.Reply to Lucinda
I’m currently struggling with this. I have a very hard time relinquishing control and was also raised to depend on no one. My inability to be more submissive, especially when we are bickering and he asks me to let it go, has proven a tremendous detriment to our marriage and I am hoping it is not its downfall.Reply to AJae
Thank you for this article. I am in the process of being the sole provider for my family to being in a relationship and it’s been hard to hand over the reins. This advice will help I’m sure.Reply to Shara
Currently trying to also learn to be submissive, but it’s hard when you have been the one in control.Reply to Sommer